I’m not smart enough, I don’t know enough, I’m not pretty enough, not strong enough, not talented enough, not disciplined enough, not brave enough…

If you’re caught in the “not enough” trap, like I found myself in for way too many years, nothing about you ever seems quite good enough. Standards by which you measure yourself become inhumane. Successes are rarely enjoyed, for you always feel as if you must do better. Perceived failures are magnified. Life becomes a quest for utter perfection—like the carrot dangling in front of a horse, it is chased but never truly experienced.

“If I’m 98% perfect in anything I do, it’s the 2% I’ve messed up I’ll remember when I’m through,” begins the thought process. The problem begins when we allow others—family members, our spouse, friends, a boss, popular culture—to define who we are or are not. Unfortunately, these roots of self-image often stretch far back into childhood, when negative messages we received from parents and others imprinted us with a feeling of being stupid, fat, lazy, weak or otherwise inadequate.

But as healthy adults, we can choose to truly accept ourselves—with all our strivings, quirks, faults and shortcomings—as being enough right now. The more we do that, the less vulnerable we are to the opinions of others.

I know, I know, your thinking easier said than done, right?

Go Ahead, Compare Yourself

Perfection makes liberal use of comparisons. The next time you get that feeling of not being enough, stop to examine the standard you are using to gauge yourself.

A fun way to look at the power of comparisons is this: Compare your own physical measurements to those of a person who embodies ideal physical beauty by contemporary media standards. Dwell on the differences.

Then list all the achievements you’ve accomplished up to your current age. Be extra thorough. Now compare your list to that of composer Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart at age 12. By that time, Mozart spoke 15 languages and had composed numerous major pieces of music, including an opera. Dwell on the differences.

If you’re perfectly miserable at this point, I suggest you put the knife down! Your job is to notice how negative comparisons affect your available energy for work, family, relationships—and for yourself. How do they block the authentic you from showing up?

Did You Ever Wonder…?

Here are some more questions to ponder:

• How is it that if something is not perfect, then it is nothing?

• Is it possible to accept myself and treat myself in a loving and caring manner regardless of my accomplishments or lack of them?

• Why must I be outstanding or special?

• Why does failing at something transform me into being a failure?

• What would my life be like with more humane standards?

• Can I be satisfied with progress, not perfection?

Life is a never-ending process of learning and growing in skills, experience, wisdom and compassion. Most of us are not spectacular in any category of life. And yet each one of us is worthy, lovable, competent, effective, attractive and smart enough to live lives of contribution, caring and value. The key is learning to live as Dr. Wayne Dyer states so beautifully, “independently of the good opinion of others.” That’s where the magic is!

There are times when we can feel disconnected from the World,… take a breath and reconnect.

There are days when I feel like my connection to the universe is non-existent. It’s usually because I’m involved to deeply with my ego and things are not going the way I want them to go, or I feel discontent or uncomfortable. The truth is, the universe is always there for me, always there for us! We know that we create our experience with our thoughts, and this is just another way we need to make a conscious decision about how we want to experience life. It is up to us to do the work of making the connection, because nobody can do it for us, though sometimes the universe may send us wake-up calls.

You can think of it as taking a deep breath of fresh air . We are always breathing and the air is always around us, surrounding us, moving through us. But we may need to step outside of where we are in the moment—physically, mentally, or emotionally—and make the conscious choice to take a deep breath in order to feel the air coming in and going out. Whether this means walking outside physically or merely shifting our thoughts, it is only our perception that changes; the air remains the same. Right?

It is just as easy to reconnect with the universe. Using the same technique as a breath of fresh air, a deep breath can bring us back to our center. As we inhale, we fill our bodies with the oxygen needed to replenish our most basic physical needs, allowing the life force to circulate within us. Exhaling, we release the stagnant, the used, the potentially toxic air, removing any blocks that may keep us from going deeper into the stillness that lies at our center where we connect to the universe. Feeling closed off does not need to be a negative experience. When we become conscious of it, we can think of the wholeness of a closed circuit, which allows electricity to connect and flow properly. Our bodies work the same way, and when we make that connection in our minds, it can help bring us back to the connection we seek.

Goal Setting for Personal Growth
Setting and achieving goals for personal growth can be very satisfying. But setting and failing can be quite frustrating and discouraging, causing us to turn away from setting any future goals. Before committing to your goals, you’ll want to know a few important considerations about your goals that you want to achieve. So ask yourself the following questions and then get quiet and reflect on the answers that come up for you. If you can get connected to your true spirit in this process, you can set the stage for reaching ultimate success!

Is it really your goal?
Are you pursing this goal for some personal reason, and not because it’s what someone else wants you to do? A major cause of goal failure is that we take on the wishes of what other people think we should have, be or do. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with getting input f rom valued family and friends, but it’s important to make sure that when you decide on a goal, it is a goal that you want for yourself.
What are your reasons for wanting to achieve this goal?
Is there clarity for you around why this goal is so important? Do you really know what it is that you hope to gain from achieving this goal? Consider the benefits of your goal in terms of how you’ll feel when you achieve it. Lock that feeling in your mind so you can call it up when you have a s etback or feel discouraged.

To what extent does this goal get you energized?
Goals that are too easy or too hard really don’t work to motivate us. Yes, it’s important that we stretch ourselves with what we think we are capable of achievi ng; challenging is still doable. You will know if a goal is doable because when you imagine the goal and visualize yourself there. If not, the goal may be too difficult or too easy. If it’s too difficult you’ll get easily discouraged by lack of progress and probably give up. If it’s too easy, you may be likely to put it off thinking you can start working on it l ater.

To what extent can you imagine yourself reaching this goal?
A goal that is challenging but achievable, has clear and attractive benefits and is truly your heart felt goal, will be easy to visualize. You should be able to see yourself achieving the goal and enjoying the benefits. If not, change the goal, set an interm goal or go back to step one, reflecting on whether it is really your goal.